Being a new mom is hard and with the world constantly telling you what we should and shouldn’t [do, watch for, feed, say, practice, look for] with your new bundle of joy it only makes it harder. I spent so much time the first few months of my darling daughter’s life Googling every little thing she did and completely freaking out about my ability to mother her (and 95% of the things I was over-exaggerating about were completely normal “baby stuff”) .
I constantly had my phone in my hand. Every minute I spent on my phone was a minute I lost connection with my little girl. I really noticed the impact this was having on her when I noticed her interaction with her dad.
My partner would give undivided attention to her whenever he was home, and she just seemed…happier. They would engage fully and she had no complaints. Now this may seem obvious, “Duh. Of course a baby is going to want attention. And of course you shouldn’t be on your phone.” But it isn’t as obvious as you may think.
Becoming a mother means changing your entire lifestyle. No longer are you able to stay constantly connected to friends and family the way you once were. I use to spend days calling, texting, Snapchatting, Instagramming, (etc., etc.) with my friends and loved ones. I no longer had time to just meet up for drinks or chat on the phone for 2 hours. My friends started feeling neglected and I started feeling alone.
Being at home alone for weeks with a newborn was not as entertaining as I thought it would be. Once the baby came home I had to be on “Mommy Duty” 24/7. I would be thirsting for attention when my partner came home from work. And was ecstatic that I had someone to talk to and interact with on an adult level. (My poor fiancee.) When he wasn’t there, being on my phone was the only way to interact.
So, what’s the solution? You shouldn’t ignore your child, but you also shouldn’t ignore your own needs. Well, being intentional is the key. I became very intentional about how I wanted to socialize.
In the mornings before the little one awoke, I would make calls to my best friend on the East Coast. It was a little early for me (definitely not a morning person), but it worked for her schedule and allowed for me to get my day started with the thing I was craving most, social interaction. During nap times I put the phone on speaker and talked to my mom while I washed up dishes or folded laundry. Once little one was old enough for visitors, I invited over a friend or two to spend some time at the house with me in the evening (sometimes we even snuck in a glass of wine or two if the little one had nodded off to sleep).
These “strategies” if you will, allowed me to put down the phone and interact with my darling when she was awake and still satisfy my craving for adult conversation. I no longer felt lonely and I no longer had to follow my poor fiancee around the house like a puppy dog in need of some lovin’.
Being intentional about your needs allows you to take care of yourself and those around you without getting burned out. Some good old fashioned self-care is always the answer.