Category: #Dating

Hello beautiful, black Queen! Thank you for doing all that you do. You deserve the recognition that you so rarely get, and you deserve to have a space where you can pause to adjust your crown every now and again. Wearing that crown can be tiring to say the least. It puts you in charge of your family, your kingdom, your life, and your melanin. It brings along with it responsibilities that can be strenuous and rewarding in the same breath. It is what makes you a the pillar of a community and the backbone to a culture. That crown you wear is what makes you magical.

The truth is we all have some magic in us. Taking the time to recognize that magic within us however can be difficult. That’s where therapy comes in. Therapy helps us distinguish what our “magic power” is and how we can use it to better our life and ultimately change our story. Participating in therapy allows us to learn about our magic and understand ourselves from every aspect of our being.

As a narrative therapist I recognize that every black woman (and person in general) has a unique story to share with the world. One thread that ties all of those stories together though is the picture that society has painted of our melanin. Society tells us certain things about how we look, how we dress, how we act, and so much more. My job is to dispel these rumors and shine light on the truth in your particular story, which is why I present to you the top 5 myths black women tell themselves to avoid therapy…

Myth: Therapy is a white people thing.

Fact: Therapy is an everybody thing.

Whether you are black, white, purple, or green, you can benefit from going to therapy. Therapy became known as “a white people thing” because it use to be considered a luxury. Unfortunately, for a long time only the wealthy could afford to pay someone to listen to them, while everyone else went to their family, friends, or pastor for advice. But now that mental health is starting to be recognized as an essential part to everyone’s overall health, it is becoming more accessible to everyone willing to make a change in the way they think about their mind, body, and soul connecting. Between insurance, employee assistance programs, and not-for-profit counseling organizations, therapy is in reach for just about every person from any walk of life.

Quick Tips on Finding Cheap Therapy

• Check what your insurance or EAP will cover! If someone else is willing to foot the bill, use that to your advantage! And if not, ask therapists if they offer a “sliding fee scale”, which adjusts the price of therapy based on your income.
• Find an “Associate” or pre-licensed therapist. These therapists have completed Masters degrees, but are working towards licensure, so they often offer cheaper rates per session (as much as 50% less than licensed professionals). Studies also show that these therapists provide some of the most beneficial therapy due to their up to date knowledge of the field and best practice.
• Check local universities as they often have student run clinics that provide very cheap therapy services! These clinics often have graduate students providing the service, while being supervised by licensed therapists. For San Diego residents, check out The Center for Community Counseling & Engagement for therapy as low as $12 per session!

Myth: Black women don’t need therapy because they are strong.

Fact: Black women need therapy because they are strong.

Being physically strong doesn’t stop body builders from going to the gym. Why let being mentally strong keep you from checking in with yourself and managing your mental health? The strong are most often carrying so many other’s problems that they don’t have the strength left to deal with their own. In therapy sessions, I often see clients unpacking other people’s baggage as if it is their own. These individuals are often the strongest in their social networks, which is why they are able to take on so much from others. What they often seek in therapy though is having a space where they can discover and discuss their own concerns. Finding a therapist that makes you feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable and let down any guards allows you to take care of yourself in a more intentional way, so that you can continue being a strong individual in other areas of your life.

Myth: Going to therapy makes you look crazy.

Fact: Going to therapy is what keeps you sane in a crazy world.

First off, who gives a *bleep* what anyone else thinks!? Excuse my French. As the strong, black woman you are you have to deal with so much more than the average person. Black women deal with what we call “intersectionality”, which is basically the crossroads where various forms of social categorizations and discrimination meet. Black women have to face being black, being a woman, and being the center of the black community, while also managing possible financial hardships and the disadvantages that come along with that in this country. Now this is not to say we are victims in any way, but instead to show just how resilient we are. Overcoming these challenges on a daily basis means we often find ourselves drained and feeling unmotivated to keep going. Deciding to create a space with a professional where you can discuss the microaggressions, stress, and any other people/places/things that drive you crazy is a healthy way to keep yourself sane and happy in this crazy world.

Myth: Church and praying will solve all your problems.

Fact: Church, praying, and talking to a trained professional will help solve a lot of your problems.

You can’t pray away a broken leg, and you can’t pray away a severe mental illness. Faith is something that becomes a very useful tool in many people’s lives to cope with hard times. Some hard times require more assistance however. Mental illness comes in many shapes and sizes, the key to dealing with it however is recognizing it. Stress, sadness, anger, and any other emotion is normal and needed. However when your mental state is beginning to be the source of distress in your job/marriage/life then it is time to get extra help. Managing bi-polar disorder or schizophrenia on your own can be scary, but when met with the proper support from a therapist, psychiatrist, and/or your primary care physician you can live life to the fullest despite this disorder.

Myth: I can’t change how society views me.

Fact: I can change how I view myself and how I let people treat me.

“I don’t want to be seen as __________.” This is one of the top phrases I hear from clients. One of my top responses…you can only control yourself and how you absorb these ideas from others. People will always have opinions, but only you get to dictate who you are. Society has no control over who you decide to be. Recognizing the power that comes with this realization changes everything. You go from questioning everyone to being un-bothered. The take away is if you change your view of yourself and channel that person who you want to be, society will follow. Using therapy as a place to build your confidence, your ability to cope, and your positive self image will change how you interact with everyone around you.

We all have concerns, questions, and relationships that have made us think at one point or another, “should I go to therapy?” If this question has ever crossed your mind, make an appointment! Taking care of yourself is the first step to taking care of those around you. By checking in with yourself and talking to a professional about life, you gain better knowledge on how to use your “magic”.

A great resource for finding a therapist in your area is “Therapy for Black Girls“. Check out the directory and the podcast for a fun dose of mental health information!