2021 has been a doozy of a year, and who knows what 2022 has in store. One thing is for certain though, we have all taken a look at how we can improve our mental health and relationships. Simplee Therapy has always been a space about making therapy simple and providing relatable information on how to improve ourselves and the relationships we keep. Check out the top three posts this year to reflect on some of the things we have learned!
2021 has been a hard year for a lot of couples. Navigating financial strains, health issues, loss of family, working from home, then toss in racial injustice on top of all of that, and some new questions and values may have been surfaced throughout the past 24 months. Take a look back on some important topics to be addressed in an interracial relationship.
Although 2021 had its not so great moments, there were also plenty of beautiful expressions of love. Realizing you want to spend the rest of your life with someone is a momentous occasion. Excitement may be the initial feeling for many, but anxiety can also show up for those approaching happily ever after. Take a look back on how to cope with a wedding pending.
So many individuals made 2021 the year to start their mental health journey, and what an important step that is! Maybe you were still on the fence about starting down that path of introspection, and that’s okay. Check out the three questions to help you start navigating your mental health journey with intention and openness to the process.
Take a look back and see what will be helpful on your therapy journey. Starting a new mental health journey? Check out the Healing Journal to track your therapy progress!
2021 is less than 30 days away…we made it! This year couldn’t have been more of a curve ball. Throwing stress at all of us in all sorts of unexpected ways.
Maybe this is what we needed though. Maybe slowing down, getting creative, and building hope for the future was what we needed to make next year OUR year. Maybe we are at a place now that we would have never been had it not been for 2020. Maybe we now have that clear vision of what we need to do in order to progress forward.
What did 2020 give you?
If you’ve read (or watched) Harry Potter, you know that that golden snitch seemed useless until Harry actually knew what he had to do. Maybe 2020 was our golden snitch. It seemed useless until we got to the end.
In the next few weeks, take some time for self reflection. Answer these questions…
What did I learn about myself?
What did I learn about my social circle?
What values do I want to take with me into 2021?
Where do I see myself a year from now?
Use this time to prepare yourself for the coming months. Establish your needs and wants, and start planning for growth.
Too many times people feel alone in their darkest times and never receive the support that they need. COVID-19 brought to light for many the importance of social interaction as a human being. I want you to know that you never have to be alone. There are crisis resources available to help in those darkest hours.
An important part of the therapy process is safety planning for those dark moments. A safety plan is not a guarantee of safety, but when practiced regularly and incorporated into day-to-day life, it can be an important way of minimizing harm. Safety plans often have 5 steps: Identifying triggers, using coping skills, reaching out to supportive friends/family, utilizing warmlines/crisis lines, and calling emergency services.
When you are able to identify the things that ignite dark thoughts or feelings, you are able to recognize what coping skills to utilize. Sometimes that isn’t enough though. I encourage those with a safety plan to really lean into those support persons. Notifying them when you originally make your safety plan with your therapist that you are identifying them as a support person. Talk to those individuals about how they may support you during a difficult moment. What can they do/say to help increase your safety. You could even supply them with a copy of your safety plan. Having a “safe word/phrase” so you can quickly and discretely notify them that you need assistance (the “notOK” app is a free application that can do this for you). This prepares both yourself and your loved ones for a crisis situation.
There are lots of ways to access mental health resources in a time of need…
Reasons to Offer and Participate in Virtual Mental Health Services
Being quarantined means being open to alternative forms of everything you normally do outside of your home. Trips to the gym are now Youtube workouts, brunch with friends is now group texts with an exponential amount of emojis, and trips to your therapist’s office is now teletherapy from the comfort of your couch. For therapists and those participating in mental health services, this can be an unwanted, but necessary shift. Participating in telehealth therapy services is a great way to connect however, and access mental health services for both the professional and the client.
Reasons Why Teletherapy is a Positive Alternative
Ease of Access: Utilizing telehealth therapy services means you can access therapy appointments from virtually anywhere. For mental health professionals licensed in California, that means being able to provide mental health services to any resident in California from Sacramento down to San Diego. It also means clients don’t have to travel too and from an appointment or find parking or hit traffic or miss their appointment all together.
Best Fit with Therapist: Over the years, I have had many clients move to find better opportunities for their life, but a sense of continuity was felt when they knew they could continue seeing me from their new location within the state. Teletherapy also allows you a wider selection of therapists/clients to work with as you are not confined to those located within a 30 mile radius. Having options means being able to find the therapist that can best understand your story and guide you to the change you want to see in your life.
Feeling Comfortable: Being able to talk to your therapist/client from the space that is most comfortable for you can make a huge difference. Having control over your space can be a invaluable part of being able to open up in your therapeutic process. I have personally noticed that from my first sessions with a client to my closing session with a client, there is definitely a difference in how they and I dress (yoga pants make a regular appearance) due to finally feeling more comfortable in that therapeutic relationship. Utilizing teletherapy means having some of that comfort on the front end of your journey and meeting your goals on your terms.
The Downside of Teletherapy
As with anything there are pros and cons to telehealth therapy, and highlighting one side with out the other would be unfair to you. Fortunately, the major cons of teletherapy have less to do with the therapeutic process and more to do with technology’s short comings. At the end of the day, teletherapy is a fancy term for Facetime with your therapist. Although, teletherapy should be used on a HIPAA compliant platform (such as doxy.me, Simple Practice, Vsee, etc.), if you’ve ever used a video conferencing application you know that poor connections, cyber security, and “hello. hellloo?” moments can all be a damper on a good conversation. Making sure you are in a safe space with a good connection is an easy fix to this problem however.
For therapists, our number one priority is always your safety, so it is smart to go over the nearest emergency room, emergency contacts, crisis line numbers, and any other safety precautions that can be made prior to starting your mental health journey.
With all this in mind, feel free to reach out for a 15 minute phone consultation, so you can see if teletherapy will be a helpful tool on your therapeutic journey!
Has nervousness and anxiety crept up on you after a recent engagement? Whether you were recently proposed to or hoping to take your relationship to the next level, here’s some ways to manage the anxiety that often follows…
There are a lot of big moments in your life, and getting proposed to is arguably in the top 5. The society we live in has created a billion dollar business off of couples committing themselves to one another. You may be knees deep in bridal magazines, color swatches, Instagram feeds of brides and grooms and venues…oh my! And although everyone may ask you, “How did they propose??”, very few may ask, “How are you feeling about getting married?”
Cue the engagement anxiety.
Everyone expects you to be smiling from ear to ear for the next year or two as you plan the “biggest day of your life”, but you may feel as if nothing but stress and worry and doubt are flooding over you. Some brides-to-be (or Grooms-to-be) may start finding small things to nit-pick about their partner…”His teeth aren’t white enough.”, “Her toes are strange”, “They don’t understand me!” Things you didn’t even notice before become these huge question marks looming over your relationship.
Where does this anxiety come from? Is it normal? And what do you do about it?? Here’s 5 steps to resolving your engagement anxiety…
1. Be Aware That You Are Not Alone
Engaged women all over the world are panicking at this very moment about whether they should get married or not…they just aren’t telling anyone (other than their therapist). So you are not alone. You are allowed to have some anxiety about a new life transition and how your role in your relationship might change as a fiancé or spouse. There is no other time in life when you make a commitment to stay with one thing/person, literally forever…even kids leave the nest after 18 years. If there was a list of “legitimate reasons to be anxious”, this would definitely be on that list.
2. Recognize What Role Anxiety has Played in Your Life
Step 2 is to realize that anxiousness is present for different people at different times. Some people have dealt with crippling anxiety their entire lives, and are not surprised when this anxiety shows up in the middle of the proposal. Others have never felt anxious at all, so anxiety about their engagement feels extremely scary and completely new. Recognizing other times you have felt anxious allows you to recognize what skills you used to calm yourself down, and also allows you to recognize what may have been a trigger for this bout of anxiety. These questions you ask yourself may very likely be questions you also hear in a therapy session with your counselor.
3. Do Some #SimpleSelfCare
When people hear “Self Care” they often think of a day at the spa or a vacation, but the key to good self care is consistency and small doses. Doing something as simple as buying your favorite coffee creamer to put in your instant coffee in the morning, or setting your alarm 10 minutes early so you can cuddle with your partner in the morning before you start your busy days. Those are the most effective ways to take care of yourself…what I call #SimpleSelfCare. Doing these little things will help reduce your level of anxiety and remind you that you are in control of how you feel. Being mindful of your breathing is another small adjustment that can have a big impact.
Some practice…breathe in (hold it)…1…2…3…4…5…breathe out. *Repeat until anxiety has subsided*
4. Communicate with Your Fiancé
Let’s be honest all this engagement anxiety is your partner’s fault. They just had to divulge their undying love for you in the form of a proposal. But really, if your anxiety is truly wrapped up in the engagement it is very important to talk with your partner about how you are feeling. Chances are they may already have noticed a shift in your demeanor or behaviors due to the anxiety. Discuss with them what is triggering to your anxiety and give suggestions on how they can help make you feel more comfortable. Whether that means them rubbing your back if you have a small panic attack or them chiming in when another person asks, “Have you set a date??” (*Side Note* that is honestly the most annoying question). Cluing your partner in to how you are feeling is a skill that is important now, and will be important for the rest of your relationship, so might as well get in some practice.
5. Go to Premarital Counseling
Last, but definitely not least…go to premarital counseling! I know that I am biased because as a therapist I recommend therapy for any and all things, BUT this is one of the most ideal times in a relationship to go through couples therapy (it’s also one of therapists’ favorite stages to see a couple in). Premarital counseling is ideal because (hopefully) there aren’t any real problems in the relationship yet. This is the stage that you can really take a look at your partner and say I want to love this person unconditionally, and I’ll take whatever tools necessary to make that happen. When couples come into therapy 4, 7, or 10+ years into a marriage with a laundry list of reasons they want out, therapists often spend most of their time trying to get couples back to this place of wanting to try their hardest. Go now, so you can talk about all those little concerns and start building your tool box of skills that help you communicate with and love on your partner in all the best ways!